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And The Lord Speaketh...

Early this morning the Lord decided to speak to me in a very direct way.  Every week on Sunday at 2 in the morning my wife and I do a holy hour.  For those of you that don't know what a Holy Hour is; it is an hour in which a person/s spends in front of the Holy Eucharist.  It is part of the Catholic tradition of adoration. (To learn more about this click here.)

Prior to this holy hour I was not in good spirits.  I was angry, embittered, and depressed.  This weekend was supposed to be a time of great celebration for me.  The reason for this being that this past Wednesday, June 29th was supposed to be my last day at my internship site.  Instead  - I was still at my internship site, in the midst of an undefined extension with no end date. I was in bad spirits.   My wife, sensing this  - told me to speak out loud from the heart to the Lord since we were alone in the chapel.  And speak is exactly what I did; with the exception of throwing some F bombs I let the Lord have it.  In my heartfelt diatribe I attacked the Lord for everything under the sun, the common theme being that I felt that he had abandoned me.  After doing this for about 15 minutes and allowing my wife to be privy to that, something happened that I did not expect... The Lord spoke back...

Prior to going to adoration I had selected a book to bring with me titled,  Trustful Surrender To Divine Providence:  The Secret of Peace and Happiness by Fr. Jean Baptiste Saint Jure & St. Claude De La Columbiere.  Immediately following my excoriating rant, I opened the book and was confronted by this passage,

"And have you forgotten the exhortation which addresses you as sons? -- "My son, do not regard lightly the discipline of the Lord, nor lose courage when you are punished by him. For the Lord disciplines him whom he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives." It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons; for what son is there whom his father does not discipline?  (Hebrews 12:5-7)

Wait it gets even better...On pg. 31 of Trustful Surrender... it stated,

"Our Trials are Never Greater Than our strength to bear them: (Subtitle) Do not let ourselves be troubled when we are sometimes beset by adversity for we know that it is meant for our spiritual welfare and carefully proportioned to our needs, and that a limit has been set to it by the wisdom of the same God who has set a bound to the ocean."

On pg. 23 it stated,

 "God makes use of men as the doctor with leaches.  Neither then should we stop to consider the evilness of those to whom God gives the power to act on us or be grieved at their wicked intentions, and we should keep ourselves from feelings of aversion towards them.  Whatever their particular views may be, in regard to use they are only instruments of well being, guided by the hand of an all good, all wise, all powerful God who will allow them to act on us only in so far as is of use to us."

God was telling me that he was in control, he did not abandon me.  In fact he was with me, holding my hand, cheering me on, encouraging, exhorting me to finish the race.  God was letting me know that I needed to trust in him even more.  With God setting the odds in my favor what could go wrong?   My heart still struggled with this concept because if this was true then my entire notion of a father was turned upside down.  I always thought of a father as a protector, that person who would do anything to rescue his troubled son.  Throughout my struggles I did not feel that God was protecting me.  In fact I felt that God was feeding me to the beasts!  I was right to think that a true father never abandons his son, but that was only half the equation.  What I learned this morning instead was that God as the true father would never abandon me, but also he would not prematurely bail me out of a difficult situation.   This was the essence of fatherhood; being right there next to a child while challenging him to make the most of the difficult situation.  I was thinking solely in earthly terms while my true father was thinking in heavenly terms.

This morning I learned that I indeed had a father, that the Lord never abandons his children.  Finally after hearing God's voice I can convincingly say now,  "Abba, Abba"  (daddy)   I don't have to rely on my faulty notions of fatherhood anymore.   

And now for a quick shout out to the BigGuy -

I heard you Lord.  Loud and clear.  Thanks for responding so quickly.  You dealt with me in the manner that would get my attention.... throught scripture and the written word of learned men. Not necessarily through my emotions.   Thanks for that.  You know me well.


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