Who me? Yeah right!
"There was the mystery of my vocation, of my whole life, and of the special graces given me by Jesus. He does not call those who are worthy, but those he chooses...the effect comes then, from God's mercy, not from man's will, or man's alacrity." St. Therese of Lisieux-The story of a soul
I am an idiot as St. Paul says, "I can will what is right but I can not do it." I really suck at this spiritual stuff. I am far too proud, too obstinate, too scared, too unqualified. I am also impatient, quick tempered, impulsive, cowardly, judgemental, a perpetual complainer, complaining about anything that does not go my way. God forbid you cut me off or drive too slow, I will hunt you down by either staring you down, tailgating, or by swinging my hands into the air like a crazed maniac. So why the heck would God waste his time on such a pathetic soul like mine? In short because he loves me and he does not care about my shortcomings. All God wants is for me to keep coming back to him over and over again. I heard somewhere that God does not call the qualified but he instead qualifies the called. If you read the scriptures you see this dynamic most clearly in his relationship with his disciples. Time and time again they would let him down and time and time again he would forgive them. This is most clearly seen in Jesus' passion. On Holy Thursday after the last supper Jesus began praying at Gethsemane and asked his discliples to "remain with me" do you think that they stood by Jesus? No they remained sleeping. Later on while Jesus was at trial in front of the Sanhedrin do you think that Peter came and courageously defended Jesus? No, even though Peter came he still managed to deny Jesus three times and this was the same dude that became our first pope? The Bible is full of accounts of how God's chosen ones have let him down over and over again. Even some of the greatest saints were the biggest sinners. Just think of St. Paul, St. Augustine, St. Dismas (the good thief). God was able to radically transform their lives despite their weaknesses.
Now the good news...
If God can change these ordinary lives into extraordinary ones then that means that he could do the same with me. I must admit that believing this is counter intuitive, I am inclined to viewing myself as a complete failure, especially when I keep messing up everyday often times with the same sins. The good news is that the more I cling and rely on Christ's mercy the holier I will become. I read somewhere that becoming a saint is easy that all one has to do is to will it and God will do the rest. It is so comforting that idiots like me have a shot at greatness. With Christ on my side maybe I am not so bad after all?
I am an idiot as St. Paul says, "I can will what is right but I can not do it." I really suck at this spiritual stuff. I am far too proud, too obstinate, too scared, too unqualified. I am also impatient, quick tempered, impulsive, cowardly, judgemental, a perpetual complainer, complaining about anything that does not go my way. God forbid you cut me off or drive too slow, I will hunt you down by either staring you down, tailgating, or by swinging my hands into the air like a crazed maniac. So why the heck would God waste his time on such a pathetic soul like mine? In short because he loves me and he does not care about my shortcomings. All God wants is for me to keep coming back to him over and over again. I heard somewhere that God does not call the qualified but he instead qualifies the called. If you read the scriptures you see this dynamic most clearly in his relationship with his disciples. Time and time again they would let him down and time and time again he would forgive them. This is most clearly seen in Jesus' passion. On Holy Thursday after the last supper Jesus began praying at Gethsemane and asked his discliples to "remain with me" do you think that they stood by Jesus? No they remained sleeping. Later on while Jesus was at trial in front of the Sanhedrin do you think that Peter came and courageously defended Jesus? No, even though Peter came he still managed to deny Jesus three times and this was the same dude that became our first pope? The Bible is full of accounts of how God's chosen ones have let him down over and over again. Even some of the greatest saints were the biggest sinners. Just think of St. Paul, St. Augustine, St. Dismas (the good thief). God was able to radically transform their lives despite their weaknesses.
Now the good news...
If God can change these ordinary lives into extraordinary ones then that means that he could do the same with me. I must admit that believing this is counter intuitive, I am inclined to viewing myself as a complete failure, especially when I keep messing up everyday often times with the same sins. The good news is that the more I cling and rely on Christ's mercy the holier I will become. I read somewhere that becoming a saint is easy that all one has to do is to will it and God will do the rest. It is so comforting that idiots like me have a shot at greatness. With Christ on my side maybe I am not so bad after all?
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