Suffering: A different perspective
This past week has been very difficult for me. Final exams, papers, job searching, tooth extractions, car breaking down. It is the last obstacle that brings me the most sorrow. Yesterday as I was driving I heard a "pop" and then a terrible, burning, smell began came out of my front hood. To make matters even worse my steering wheel all of sudden weighed like ton and I had to use every bit of my strength just to make it turn 180 degrees. The only silver lining in all of this was that it occurred 1 mile from my home so I was able to make it home. When I arrived home I opened the hood and my worst fears were realized. The timing belt was torn causing my anti freeze to leak all over the engine, probably a busted hose. (more money) Now I am paralyzed with no car,right smack drab in the middle of finals week. To add insult to injury I have a biting toothache, and a bank account that is disappearing faster than the hole in the ozone. I am struggling to keep hope, to keep believing, to keep from yelling, to keep from despairing, it all seems so unfair, unless you put it all into it's proper context.
Let me explain, let me share a quote from somebody who was all too familiar with suffering, Sr. M. Faustina Kowalska. Sr. Faustina was the author of the book, Divine Mercy in my Soul. This book in vivid and poetic detail chronicles her faith journey as a mystic, as an apostle to a radical new message, the message of Christ's unending mercy. During one of her difficult moments she shares how suffering is very much a part of christian discipleship:
"True Love is measured in the thermometer of suffering. Jesus I thank you for the little crosses, for opposition to my endeavors, for the hardships of communal life, for the misrepresentation of my intentions, for humiliations at the hands of others, for the harsh way in which we are treated, for false suspicions, for poor health, and loss of strength, for self denial, for dying to myself, for lack of recognition in everything, for the upsetting of all my plans...I thank you Jesus, You who first drank the cup of bitterness before you gave it to me in a much milder form. I put my lips on this cup of your holy will." (p. 153-154)
Wow I am dumbfounded by the faith of this saint! Unfortunately for me I am a million miles away from this heroic acceptance. I do not have this attitude I am still seething like my broken engine,and very upset. I feel slighted and abandoned; left alone to fend for myself when all I have is a dull, paper mache sword. I hate suffering, it seems so cruel, so unfair, yet it is through suffering that my love is made most pure, that my prayers are most efficacious. It just does not make any sense, it seems so counter intuitive. Lord help me to offer up these sufferings up because my human nature is so tempted to despair. Amen
Let me explain, let me share a quote from somebody who was all too familiar with suffering, Sr. M. Faustina Kowalska. Sr. Faustina was the author of the book, Divine Mercy in my Soul. This book in vivid and poetic detail chronicles her faith journey as a mystic, as an apostle to a radical new message, the message of Christ's unending mercy. During one of her difficult moments she shares how suffering is very much a part of christian discipleship:
"True Love is measured in the thermometer of suffering. Jesus I thank you for the little crosses, for opposition to my endeavors, for the hardships of communal life, for the misrepresentation of my intentions, for humiliations at the hands of others, for the harsh way in which we are treated, for false suspicions, for poor health, and loss of strength, for self denial, for dying to myself, for lack of recognition in everything, for the upsetting of all my plans...I thank you Jesus, You who first drank the cup of bitterness before you gave it to me in a much milder form. I put my lips on this cup of your holy will." (p. 153-154)
Wow I am dumbfounded by the faith of this saint! Unfortunately for me I am a million miles away from this heroic acceptance. I do not have this attitude I am still seething like my broken engine,and very upset. I feel slighted and abandoned; left alone to fend for myself when all I have is a dull, paper mache sword. I hate suffering, it seems so cruel, so unfair, yet it is through suffering that my love is made most pure, that my prayers are most efficacious. It just does not make any sense, it seems so counter intuitive. Lord help me to offer up these sufferings up because my human nature is so tempted to despair. Amen
Comments
Post a Comment