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Guilt: That Useless Emotion

Not too long ago the Lord taught me a valuable lesson about free will and guilt. 

One evening I had the urge to go to a weekday mass. Since I was going that evening to church anyways to help out; I figured that it would be the perfect opportunity to do so. However, as I was nearing the church I was overcome by physical fatigue.  I wanted to sleep very much, but spiritually I wanted to also go to mass. I had a dilemma.  Should I choose mass or rest? My body got the better of me as I decided to rest instead of going to mass. I felt so guilty about my decision.  I felt that I had allowed the weaker part of me to prevail. 

About an half hour or so later I woke up and made my way to church.   As I was walking the leader of our group told me that the plans had been changed for the evening.  The scheduled speaker was not able to make it.  So instead of having the talk it was decided we would have adoration followed by mass.  Wow!  I couldn't believe it.  I was going to mass after all! I was so excited. I felt vindicated.  I had made the right choice in spite of my guilt. 

The Lord decided to teach me a valuable lesson that evening; of true freedom. The Lord was teaching me that following his will out of guilt was not his will.  I had to trust in the wisdom of my own decisions. Maybe there was a good reason why I choose to rest. I had to learn to trust the voice of my own conscience.  The Lord did not want me to be a puppet.  The Lord wanted me to use my own will, to make a choice.

In case you are wondering about the evening. It all worked out perfectly. By taking that nap I was able to be fully present for all of the group members.  I had made the correct decision.  It just felt great to know that the Lord agreed with me also.  

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