Yesterday was a long and agonizing day. I had little sleep the night before and I was struggling with much inner anger and resentment. It seemed that nothing seemed to click, I was mad at God, and everyone and everything else. It all seemed so unfair where was the God of justice? Where was that powerful, triumphant God who would come and rescue Renee and I? This mighty God seemed to be reduced to an echo; each time that I called out to him the only response that I would hear was my own voice. In this abyss, there was nothing to console me, only the dark playgrounds of my mind. I felt abandoned, scorned, and forgotten by God. Not good, for a person who suffers with deep seated abandonment issues. I felt abandoned twice; once as a child by my earthly father, and secondly, more painfully by my heavenly father. I was drowning in this turmoil until…
As I was passing the hallway en route to a site; I was stopped by a patient. He asked me the strangest question, “What is your favorite movie?” Surprised, I mumbled and it took me forever just to find it in me to answer. I blurted out, “Braveheart” then I asked him and he responded that his favorite movie was, “Happy Gilmore.” After his answer he then proceeded to impersonate a scene from the movie. I laughed it was so random it was something that my brother Marcello would do. This patient did the impossible, he was able to get me out of the prison of my thoughts. He was the only silver lining for me during this very difficult day.
As I came home last night, cursing, full of anger, something miraculous began to take shape in me…my heart began to soften each time I thought of this person. It was a stroke of genius on God’s part because in a very clear and loving manner he was reassuring me that he was there with me; he had not abandoned me. He was always there, holding my hand even when I could not feel his presence. It was I who abandoned Jesus not the other way around. But despite my brokenness, I knew internally that the Lord was smiling down on me, even cracking jokes just like that patient was when he saw me yesterday; without knowing I had seen the face of Christ through this special person.
It is funny how we as humans have a tendency to expect God to appear out of a burning bush, ignoring the fact that he appears usually in the most mundane and trivial of events. It is entirely up to us to maintain a heavenly perspective as we trudge through our daily crosses.