The Beginning of A New Journey

This past New Year's Eve I handed in my UPS uniform which marked the end of my journey as a temporary worker.  During my brief tenure there I had gained much. My self esteem soared, it felt great wearing that "brown" uniform, my moods were much more stable and most importantly I was making money, and working a normal day. There is something psychologically hardwired into a man to be a provider.  I don't know if this feeling comes from the caveman days, regardless making money gave me a purpose and a fulfillment that I needed for my psyche.  I am grateful for that alone, for this short taste of financial security.  I am grateful to have had the opportunity to work at UPS,  but now I close that chapter and embark on a new and more challenging journey for the upcoming 6 months.

Tomorrow I will begin my 6 month internship as a music therapist.  This is the last and most challenging leg of my college journey; after this I will finally earn my diploma.  For 4 years I have given it my all, sacrificed much, and have overcome tremendous obstacles.  I look back at my life these past 4 years and I marvel at all that I have accomplished through the grace of our Lord.   I have to be honest I am not terribly excited about this journey. (Who is excited about carrying a cross?) The most difficult thing for me is giving up my cave man duty of earning money during this internship. I must make peace with the fact that I will be commuting for nearly 3 hrs a day and that that my entire life will be drastically changed during these next 6 months.  There are so many uncertainties, so many unknowns, so many questions.  How will I continue blogging?  How will I handle ministry? How can I exercise on a regular basis? How will I spend time with my wife?  What happens if my wife gets pregnant? etc. These are the questions that besiege my mind and fill my heart with anxiety.  But in spite of these distressing thoughts I know that I have been in this place many times during the past 4 years, and in each of those moments the Lord has always provided for me. (Often times at 5 minutes before midnight as I like to say) I know without a shadow of a doubt that he will provide, that this experience will be beneficial, that he will give my wife and I the financial, spiritual, and material sustenance that we need.  Sometimes it is good when the Lord wrecks our structures and routines because through doing this it forces us to rely more on him and less on ourselves. Even though I am scared, worried, and uncomfortable about the next 6 months, I can feel the soft, stilling voice of the Lord calming me, reassuring me that he has this new journey comfortably nestled in his loving hands.  The only thing that I have to do now is to trust.


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