I'm a Steve McQueen turtle neck wearin, motorcycle ridin, leather jacket sportin, lady killer. I'm the type of guy who throws his cigarette on floor just to watch the bad guys explode. I am smoother than James Bond "shaken not stirred", more interesting than the Dos Equis guy and I have more swagger than Humphrey Bogart. I am so cool that I put the cool in cool hand Luke.
Now back to reality...
In reality I am none of the above, but I have had a strange winning streak attracting ladies. That's right ladies. I know that I am married and all but lately women have been commenting on my irrestible allure.
That is...elderly ladies in Church.
Recently when I went to mass an elderly woman approached me commenting, "Wow you look so different!" As she was saying this I couldn't help noticing that she seemed out of breath, panting like a teenager seeing one of the Beatles for the first time. Later on after catching her breath she went to tell my wife the same. As I was praying I couldn't help notice how she kept staring at me. In reality I did look different since I decided to dress up, but still it was kind of weird in a semi flattering way.
On another day as I was sitting in mass an elderly lady just randomly comes to me and kisses my left shoulder; then leaves.
It was all so bizarre like an episode of the twilight zone. Now each time I see these women I try to look the other way, but I can't. There eyes are everywhere. During these moments I begin hearing the familiar, spooky, repetitive theme of the Twilight Zone. Then in the midst of all of this I hear these words, "Stay thirsty my friends."