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Growing Through Weakness

This past Wednesday at my music therapy internship came the dreaded 3 month evaluation.  The only good that I could think of was that this process signified that I was at the half way point. Still despite this positive fact I was still nervous since I knew that all of my weaknesses would be exposed in the 30 minute session.

The format of the evaluation was simple, each member of the staff took turns commenting on my strengths and weaknesses.  As I heard each of the staff commenting on my progress I realized that something greater was at work here.  The evaluation was an de facto examination of conscience,  a very intimate albeit unorthodox way of the Lord revealing my weaknesses to me. I realized for the first time that the Lord was using this internship as a platform to help me grow through my weakness...

While I was undergoing the evaluation something miraculous happened to me,  I became grateful for this internship.  Yes that's right,  you heard it, grateful!  How did this ever happen?  How could I who couldn't wait for the 6 months to pass all of a sudden feel grateful? How could this same person who felt nothing but resentment over how this internship was robbing me of the opportunity to contribute financially to my household begin to feel gratitude? The answer was simple the Lord softened my hardened heart through the challenges of the internship. Once I surrendered my stubborn will, the Lord would use this time to radically transform me, laying the proper spiritual foundation for my vocation as a husband and father.   I began instead to view my internship not as a cruel purgatory, but rather as a once in a lifetime opportunity to grow in holiness, to grow as a person.

Now as I enter the second and final half of my internship I look forward to the challenges and opportunities to grow in holiness.  I look forward to ministering to each of my clients and to my co workers hopefully through my example.  Most of all I look forward to growing in holiness, giving my best each step of the way and confronting my weaknesses because as St. Paul said,  "I will all the more gladly boast of my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. " 2 Cor 12: 9b  Ultimately I will use the remaining 3 months to grow through weakness.


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