Skip to main content

Old Man in a Speedo. Say it ain't so

So it turns out that dad wearing a speedo is more unusual than I thought. To me it was just one of the many typical idiosyncrasies of an immigrant family.  It was not until many years later when I realized that my dad, though quite successful in business, was a very peculiar man.  Maybe wearing speedos in public settings is not that acceptable after all. I guess my dad had a fondness for his blue, barely stretchable speedos.  He wore them on vacations, to local beaches, friends' pools and family events. The following incidents are embedded in my poor brain even though I've try hard to forget them.  It doesn't matter. The harder I try to erase those images, the more they remain.. I can't get those ridiculously tight blue speedos out of my head.  Thanks dad.

There he was in his white hotel robe and leather flip flops.  My brothers and I were already in the pool in the hot Florida sun playing our twentieth Marco Polo game.  My father kept walking towards us in a confident, dictatorial way stomping, making squishy sounds with those flip flops.  There seemed to be a rhythm to his flipping and squishing.  I tried to dive in and to hold my breath under water so that I wouldn't have to see him.  But after 40 seconds or so I emerged just to see my dad at the pool side calling us all towards him.  I was hesitant, but being the oldest I was accustomed to obeying commands.  My brothers soon followed and then it happened...

My father dropped his white robe and belly flopped into the pool.  The water went everywhere.  All the other hotel guests were saturated with the chlorine laced water .  I could see the anger in their faces, but my father didn't care. After wading in the pool for a couple of minutes he got out and proceeded to talk to most of the hotel guests in his tiny blue speedos. Even though they awkwardly tried to be polite I could see the horror in their faces as it mirrored the horror that felt inside.  The damage was done.  All the poolside loving hotel guests now knew that my dad was a proud out of the closet speedo wearer.

When I got older, I went on a trip with my father to Puerto Rico. I was looking forward to spending a week on the enchanted island.  Nothing felt better leaving New York with snow on the ground and arriving in Puerto Rico to a summer like 82 degrees.

Ah the serenity of relaxing in a hammock overlooking the ocean.  The view was seemingly perfect.  I felt the mist of the water, smelled the salty air, and heard the tranquil rhythm of the sea ebbing and flowing. This was truly paradise. I was one with the ocean. I was one with the beach. Life was good. Until...... Paradise lost.  Yes in the distance my eyes beheld a sickening sight.......

My dad was sun bathing in those blue speedos again.  I couldn't believe it he still had those damn speedos. For goodness sake man conceal those jewels in something more loose fitting. Nobody needs to see that. Nobody should ever see that.  Seriously dad, you cant go to Macy's and buy some decent swimming trunks?

What's up with speedos? Is it a European thing in general or is it something unique to my dad and other men of a certain age that wallow in bad taste?  I suppose it could only be trumped by black socks pulled neatly up the calf while wearing a nice pair of plaid shorts and tie shoes.


Popular posts from this blog

10 Great Quotes from The Book of Sirach

The book of Sirach is a book that is often overlooked in the bible. This is unfortunate since this book contains many wise, practical saying on how to live a virtous life. The book was believed to have been written between 200-175 B.C.E.

Here are ten quotes that I feel best reflect this timeless work.

1."Do not become a beggar by feasting with\borrowed money, when you have nothing in your purse." Sirach 18:33

2."In all you do remember the end of your life, and then you will never sin." 7:36

3.."Glory and dishonor come from speaking; a man's tongue is his downfall." 5:13"

4."A wise man is cautious in everything." 18:27

5."One who trusts others is light minded." 19:4

6."If you pursue justice, you will obtain it and wear it as a glorious robe." 27:8

7."Many have fallen by the edge of the sword, but no many as have fallen because of the tongue." 28:18

8." In all of your work be industrious and no sickness will…

George Michael, Carrie Fisher, and The Afterlife

I was stunned, as was most of the world was when I heard about the passing of George Michael on Christmas day.  Michael possessed enormous talent was and one of the most successful acts in the 1980's and early 90's

Shortly after Carrie Fisher died.  Fisher was famous for her legendary role as princess Leia from the Star Wars movies.  Strangely her mother also died the day after.

2016 was a notable year for celebrity deaths.

Some names include Prince, Glenn Frey, David Bowie,  Doris Roberts, Alan Rickman, and Muhammad Ali.

As a Catholic these deaths got me thinking about the transient nature of life and the inevitability of death.

Marcus Aurelius, the stoic, emperor, philosopher king wrote about the passing nature of life as he reflected, "Time is a sort of river of passing events, and strong is its current; no sooner is a thing brought to sight than it is swept by and another takes its place, and this too will be swept away."

Even though I agree mostly with Aurelius&…

Me vs. The Almighty

There is a famous scene in the Bible where Jacob wrestles with God.  Jacob fights with God until God takes out a bone from Jacob's thigh. Interestingly, God eventually relents and stops fighting with Jacob. After this dramatic incident, Jacob is renamed Israel which literally means, "he who struggles with God."

I can relate to this story.  Many times in my life I have argued with God. I still do. (my wife can attest to that.) Many times I have criticized his tactics, his ways, and his wisdom. In my worst moments, I have even used choice language. I have a complicated relationship with God. Like Jacob, I have wrestled with God. (thigh bone still intact)

Recently I approached a priest friend of mine and told him of my struggles with God.  I expected that he would chide me for my lack of respect and informality. What this priest said was illuminating and encouraging. He told me that it was OK at times to be angry with God, God understood. He, in fact, encouraged this honest…