Sandy Hook Nudists Are Back (Well Sort of...)

Sandy Hook has a bad reputation...No it isn't because the water is murky brown. Or because it is in New Jersey or that for for nearly 4 months it is loaded with trash littering Bennys.   Sandy Hook has a bad reputation mostly for this one reason only...

Sandy Hook is the home to an elderly nudist colony; the remnant of the free loving hippies of 68'.   These nudists are so flamboyant that during the summer they can be seen playing beach volley ball with their withered dangling parts hanging out. 

A couple of days ago my wife and I decided to take a pleasant stroll on the beach.  It was the ideal time with 70 plus degree weather and no crowds.  As we began walking towards the shore we were greeted by two 70 plus year olds.  One was a male who wore tight fitting turquoise blue swim shorts and the other a woman who had an equally dreadful fitting bathing suit showing parts which no sensible human would want to see. But we walked on, shrugged off the distraction and planted our beach chairs. 

There is something so wrong about this.
After about a few minutes another woman walked by us prancing along in her hideous bikini like an undisciplined steed.  The bikini was so hideous that her butt cheeks were clumsily hanging out.  Judging by her bleached blond hair and social cluelessness she was probably Eastern European; maybe from Bulgaria or Ukraine. I don't know what it is about Eastern Europeans but they seem to have a penchant for wearing terrible swim wear.  These are the same people who popularized the Speedo and made it a continental fashion statement.  These were also the same people who allowed David Hasselhoff to sing in front of the Berlin Wall shortly after its collapse.

Then if that wasn't bad enough I saw another 60 plus year old woman doing and wearing something weird.  This time it wasn't the swim suit that bothered me.  Instead it was the strange thick tubed white socks she was wearing.  Come on who wears thick tubed white socks to the beach! She looked like she just finished a Richard Simmons sweating to the oldies workout and wanted to go to the beach for a splash.

A part of me was thrilled when I finally got into my car.  To be honest I was slightly traumatized:  Between the quasi exhibitionist elderly couple, the clueless Eastern European, and the Richard Simmons thick tubed sock wearing grandmother I had my share of eye candy. The only good thing besides spending quality time with my best friend and wife was that it was never easier to avoid temptation. For that I was grateful or ungrateful.


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