Surrender. Good or Bad?

I'm back.  It's been a long time since my last post, but I hope to be writing consistently again.

In this post I want to touch on the familiar Christian theme of "surrender."

Surrender is a funny word. It has two meanings.  On the one hand,  it means defeat; losing a battle, or a game. This type of surrender I call resentful surrender since it isn't accomplished out of love. This type of surrender is forced upon a person through circumstance.

On the other hand, the word surrender means acceptance; sometimes even a joyful acceptance. This is the essence of  Christian surrender. It combines joy with acceptance.  This type of surrender is different from the resentful  surrender that requires almost a stoic detachment from events.

Resentful surrender doesn't have hope.  The joy that comes from the Christian form of surrender is born out of a solid, supernatural foundation built on hope.  I recently wrote a journal entry that dealt with these matters.

Dear Journal,

I am restless. My life seems stagnant today.  I lack structure and the feeling of calm.  I get caught up in this nothingness, this black hole. But strangely I trust in God, that he is moving in my life even when I believe that I am not moving in my life.  I trust that God will lead me out of this rut.

 I crave structure and purpose.  Without these two, I feel like I am just going through the motions in life. Why can't I be free, relaxed, and unburdened? Why can't I be like the bird who sings and flies or like the squirrel who despite being very industrious doesn't seem to lose any  peace while in the midst of its toil?

 Sadly, I have defined happiness through the narrow lens of productivity and activity.  I need to surrender.  Surrender this feeling of uncertainty. Surrender the concept of  every moment having to be productively orchestrated. I need to become sensitive to hearing  God's  still small voice.  The Lord wants me to surrender everything to him. Will I then be like the happy singing bird or the little peace filled  squirrel? um................No.  I'm not built that way.  But I  know that I have to surrender my will in order for God's will to be manifest in my life. 

I finished my journal entry that day actually feeling a little lighter. It required an action step. I actually had to tell God that I surrender.  Then I felt some peace.   It really reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from one of my favorite Saints.   "You have made us for yourself Lord. And our hearts are restless until they find rest in you." - St Augustine


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