God Has Your Back

"For though the fig tree blossom not

nor fruit be on the vines,

though the yield of olive fail

and the terraces produce no nourishment,

though the flocks disappear from the fold

and there be no herd in the stalls,

yet will I rejoice in the Lord

and exult in my saving God.

God , my Lord, is my strength;

he makes my feet swift as those of hinds
and enables me to go upon the heights."  (Habakkuk 3: 17-19)  

Yesterday was a difficult day. Like usual most of it stemmed from my internship site.  It seemed that no matter how hard I tried to "do the next right thing" I just couldn't seem to find my niche.  Things got so bad that even one of my coworkers even suggested that I needed therapy.  I knew that he meant well, but that suggestion still stung, it struck me to the core as I began to doubt myself and my abilities.  Was he right?  Was I possibly teetering, on the edge? Would I make it till the end?  Was I a self centered narcissist incapable of basic empathy? etc. The only two things that brought me comfort was knowing that, 1) I was doing the Lord's work by serving these children and 2)that I had only three more months till the internship was completed. I knew that these doubts were not true, but still when your mind is bombarded with lies you begin to believe them and forsake your better judgement.

Last evening I met with my wife at one of our favorite Sushi places. Judging by the look of her face I could tell that she was also beaten down by life. As we ate our Sushi she related to me about her difficulties at work and with our mortgage lender.  She related me the horrors of an unjust banking system that prefers one to default on a loan then to pay it back incrementally.  ( I will speak more about the corruption of this system in another blog) As I held her shaking arms and teary eyes I said something that even shocked me, I uttered the scandalous words, "Honey we will be OK,  God has our back!" Yuck! After I said these words I wanted to puke because I was so accustomed to being a pessimist, seeing only the worst in things.  The truth was that I was becoming an optimist, an optimist of the first order, believing not solely in myself, but rather in the providence and guidance of an almighty and loving father.  The weird thing was that I actually believed that God had our back for a change!

Yesterday after I left the Sushi place,  I went to the blessed sacrament to pray momentarily.  My prayer was simple, "Help me Lord, my life is a mess." After doing this for several minutes something miraculous began to happen.  I began to feel peace and a reassurance that everything would be OK.  As I was enveloped by this peace the above Bible verse from Habakkuk came to mind.  After reveling in this moment I simply asked the Lord to give me the strength to be strong and confident if not for myself then for my wife. After I said that prayer I gently shrugged my shoulders, got up and went my way. When I arrived back home we spoke some more, but something changed. Gone were the fears that enveloped us before.  Instead we went to bed confident and assured that Dad would take care of everything.

The lesson here is glaringly simple: "God has your back"  It is so easy to get bogged down by the minutia of life and to lose that heavenly perspective. Is it any wonder why so many people are depressed?  When one is accustomed to never ending noise then how can one hear the silent voice of God?   The truth is that God is always there, gently reassuring us, travelling with us down the narrow, screaming roads of life.  The only thing we need to do is listen, he is there.


For more spiritual encouragement read Matt 11: 28-30